I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
