i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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