this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
