I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
