Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
