i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
