Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
