He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize