life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
