I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
