I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
