i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
