Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
