Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
