The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
