everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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