After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
