There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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