It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
