Pants 0. Shit 1.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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