I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
