Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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