I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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