you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
