tell your sister to shave her snatch
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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