in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
