Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
