I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
