Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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