just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
