He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
