ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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