oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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