We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize