well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
