If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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