How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
