I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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