i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
