She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
