he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
