my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
