That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
