Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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