You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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