I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
