You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
