I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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