Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
