this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
how does that bad decision feel?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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