Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
