And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
