I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
