your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
