Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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