ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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