My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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