Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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