dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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