I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize