Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So vagazzling was a success
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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