Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
