Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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