had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
