I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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