btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
