her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
