You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
