The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
