My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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