Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
