Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
