i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
