I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
