How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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