Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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